Bittersweet Visions
by LightwoodLady25
Summary: Jem comes to save his parabatai from nightmares of Ella, but that's not what's surprising. Does Jem know more about Ella Herondale than he reveals to Will?


**AmberHerondale, a while ago, you requested a fic about Jem comforting Will through his issues with Ella, and here it is in all its angst glory. I hope you like it. :)**

**In between CP and CP2. Spoilers for Will's curse. Will/Jem/Ella friendship fic. Major angst with a side of mild fluff. Translations at the bottom or in italics. **

**Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns TID.**

Will was having one those nights again. Night terrors visited him frequently, and all Ella could do was watch, helplessly. Her Gwilym was thrashing on his bed, as if he was trying to escape from something his mind was forcing him to watch. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut, completely trapping him in the nightmare. Ella was torn. How could she reach out and stroke his hair if he would be horrified to wake up and see her dressed in white and transparent? But how could she not comfort him when he cried as if his heart was breaking? Slowly, she drifted closer to Will. Her hand was trembling as it hovered over his shoulder just a couple inches until she could touch him when suddenly -

"Aros i ffwrdd, Ella. Rydw i mor ddrwg gennym am yr hyn a fi oedd i chi!" Will cried out.

She snatched back her hand immediately, as if her skin had been burned. Ella buried her face in her hands, sobbing.

_Stay away, Ella. I'm sorry for what I did to you!_

She wanted to curse the monster that attacked Will then strangle it with her bare hands. That hell creature brought so much pain to her brother that it hurt to watch over him sometimes. His isolation, his cruelty to others - when would they end, if they could end at all?

"Will!" called a frantic voice bursting from the now opened attic door. Startled out of her thoughts, Ella looked up and through her tears could make out a figure rushing to Will's bedside. It was a boy with silver hair, about Will's age. Ella recognized him immediately: Jem Carstairs, Will's best friend and parabatai. Jem gripped Will's shoulders and firmly shook them, trying to pull Will out of the vision of his personal hell.

"William, wake up! I need you to wake up!" Will struggled against Jem's hands, almost knocking Jem off his feet, but he stood firm. His brows with knit with worry, causing him to look years older. From head to toe, Jem looked as ashen as Ella did, and this was not the effect of the moonlight. He was too pale, and Ella felt her heart ache for him. She remembered Wen Yu's tears as the older woman recalled what her son needed to do in order to survive. How long would it be before he was reunited with his parents? But tonight was not the time to think about that because Will was now awake.

Will's eyes flew open, oddly bright with unshed tears yet dark with terror. tears flowing quietly down his white cheeks when he blinked. Once, twice, thrice.

"Jem?" Will whispered. He sounded drained.

Jem nodded, as he tried to get Will to sit up. Will refused to move; he did not even wipe the sweat off his forehead.

"What are you doing here?" Will asked flatly.

"I thought something was wrong when you decided to go to bed early tonight. I came in to check on you and found you...screaming. Something in Welsh, I'm guessing. There was a name, though - Ella," Jem explained.

Will inhaled, but caught himself before a startled sound escaped him. He then threw the covers aside and made his way to the balcony. Jem jumped back, surprised at Will's abrupt movement.

"I just need some air," Will muttered, not looking at the other boy as he made his way to the roof top balcony, Jem following behind him closely. Ella drifted to sit on the roof's shadows behind the two boys – close enough to hear them, and far enough to not be seen. Not that she was worried about being seen; it was merely precaution.

The night air was cold, but not biting enough to need a coat. There was no breeze. Will propped his elbows on the balcony railing, looking out at London's rooftops. Jem stood beside Will, scanning his face. Ella noticed exhaustion, maybe pain in Will's expression; she just hoped Jem could see it as well.

Jem sighed heavily, but he let his breath out slowly. "Will, you are not that different from me. I know when I am in agony, when I deny my body yin fen long enough, I scream in Mandarin. I think you know, somehow, that you were screaming in Welsh during your nightmare."

"I'm fine, Jem. Just need some air is all." Will tried to sound like his witty self, but it came off as out-of-tune, like there was something in his throat. Ella knew what that something was: heartbreak. As part of his façade, Will wanted to hide this from his best friend, but his eyes betrayed him. They were darkened still, masking his fear of his secrets accidentally spilled, like a carelessly knocked over jar of ink. Jem shook his head.

"I wouldn't pry if I thought I couldn't help you. You know that."

Will wiped the sweat from his face roughly.

"Ella – she's been following me. I find her in dark corners of my room, hiding behind doors. For years, I thought my mind was playing tricks on me, but now I think she's real, that's she's reaching out to me."

"You don't want to be around her." Jem realized.

"She doesn't deserve to be an apparition visiting her murderer, James," Will said, harshly. "I'll only bring her pain if she keeps seeing me."

For a minute, there was silence. Ella watched Will's knuckles tighten as he forced his hands into fists, like he was struggling to hold something back from within him. Jem's eyes were firm and neutral. Ella was not sure what he would say.

"You did not kill your sister, Will. Don't interrupt, please," Jem finished sharply. Will closed his mouth, his jaw set tightly. Jem continued, softer in tone.

"I have no siblings of my own, but I understand that Ella is here is because she misses you, Will, not because she seeks an apology. She loves you deeply enough to stay behind and watch over you."

Jem's voice was warm, yet Ella's shoulders went rigid. It hurt to have her feelings spoken aloud by someone else, although she was grateful for Jem's insight. It was exactly when her brother needed to know.

"I'm sorry." Will said, finally looking at Jem for the first time since he woke up.

"Your apology isn't for me, Will," Jem pointed out.

Will took a deep breath. He raised his gaze to the sky. The lights of London blocked out any stars.

"My chwaer hŷn*, forgive me. I was wrong to think that I hurt you when you come to see me."

Smiling, Ella blew a kiss to her brother. In life, she had never done gestures that affectionate toward her family, but he had spoken so sincerely that she couldn't help it.

Jem placed his hand on Will's shoulder. "I'm sure she does. Now get some sleep, Will."

"Good night, brother," Will replied before slipping back into bed.

Jem stayed behind on the balcony. He turned around, looking into the shadows of the roof. The tips of his hair glowed white from the moonlight. He was not looking directly at Ella, but she could feel his gaze skimming the area around her. The warmth of his eyes reminded her of spending an autumn day in the hills of Wales with a soft wind brushing against her skin – comforting and safe.

"I'm...not exactly sure how I know you are here, but I'd like to ask for a favor, if you wouldn't mind, Ms. Herondale. Could tell my parents that I love them and miss them every day? I'd do it myself, but..." He paused and cleared his throat. Ella felt her heart soften; Jem was holding back tears by blinking them away. How it must have hurt Jem to know that Will was visited by someone he lost, yet he was not. From her years of watching over her brother, and subsequently Jem, she knew he was not a selfish or jealous person. She understood how much it would mean to him if his parents came to visit him. She would fulfill his request; it was the least she could do for him. Ella nodded.

"Thank you. Good night." With that, Jem left the balcony, and Ella left London for the night to find Wen Yu and Jonah Carstairs. There was much she needed to share with them.

**A/N: The reason Jem can actually sense Ella's presence is because (however morbid this is) he is close to dying and isn't terrified of the possibility of seeing her.**

**Ack, the angst from Will, Jem, and Ella! I just want to give those three darlings hugs to make their pain lessen. **

***Translation: older sister**


End file.
